New Direction: When Infertility Means Letting a Dream Go

Special Reports

IOWA — Randi Folkerts always knew she wanted to be a mom, but when her mother brought her little sister home from the hospital it sealed the deal. 

“I was ten years old and she was like my real-life dolly,” she says with a laugh, “that was the beginning of my dream.  I knew I wanted six kids!”

Randi assumed her dream would come true – especially when she met her husband, David. They met on a blind date, got married a few years later, and thought they’d be pregnant right away. It didn’t happen. After a year they started seeing doctors but never got any answers, nor any positive pregnancy tests.

“I could not have put one foot in front of the other without my faith,” Randi says, “in fact back in the early days, we didn’t talk about depression and clinical depression. Every morning was torture to wake up. As long as I could sleep I could dream I was a mother.”

Randi and David decided to pursue adoption; first through the state and then privately, but none of those options worked either.

“I just finally said to David, my heart just won’t take any more of this. I can’t do this anymore. People talk about grief when they lose a baby or a child but with me, I didn’t lose a child, I lost a dream.”

Randi says she finally came to terms with the fact that her plan was not God’s plan. 

“I said God – you’re going to have to change me and give me a new direction because you gave me that love of children for a reason.”

Randi had already been teaching piano lessons and Sunday school for years. She turned her focus to those children in her life, instead of the ones she was missing. And that’s part of her advice to other people dealing with infertility.

“Surround yourself with children, minister to children and enjoy your friends’ children, make them yours. Don’t let life become unlivable because there’s so much out there to live for.”

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